The story about Napoleon & Josephine is apparently true

"Ne te lave pas, j'accours et dans huit jours je suis là. " (Don't wash, I'm rushing back and I'll be there in a week.) according to http://www.lemonde.fr/vous/article/2013/02/14/l-odeur-de-l-autre-est-propice-a-l-eclosion-du-desir_1831025_3238.html, it's from Napoleon's love letters to Josephine (Lettres d'amour à Joséphine, Fayard, p. 155)

Or not. See the comment below.

Chinese noodle sauce (炸酱面)

300 gr. ground pork (10 oz.)
hot peppers, finely chopped
4 shiitake mushrooms, minced
1 chopped onion
1 chopped tomato
4 (?) finely chopped celery stalks
4 pieces extra firm "dry tofu" (豆干) sliced into 1/3 thickness, then tiny cubes
sweet bean sauce 甜麵醬
sesame oil

Heat pan until very hot, add 3-4 Tablespoons oil, drop in peppers to sizzle, turn off heat and fry until fragrant (“爆香”: “sauté until aromatic” )
Turn on heat, add ground pork, break it up and stir-fry, adding salt & pepper and cook until browned. Oil will be pretty much absorbed. Remove hot pepper & pork to bowl.
Heat pan until very hot, add 3 Tablespoons oil, drop in shiitake mushrooms, turn off heat and fry until fragrant, adding salt and pepper, fry until oil absorbed. You may actually need to add oil. Remove mushrooms.

Heat pan until very hot, add 3 Tablespoons oil, drop in chopped onion, stir fry, add salt.
Add "dry tofu", continuing to stir fry.
Add chopped tomato, continuing to stir fry.
Add chopped celery, fry, add salt & pepper.
Continue frying until liquid is absorbed; may need to add oil.

The fried "dry tofu" & vegetables will be about twice the quantity of meat and mushrooms.

Add several Tablespoons of 甜麵醬; enough to darken.
麻油 to flavor.

Serve a small amount (with julienned persian cucumbers) over noodles