If animals had rights

Björk:

The Buddhists say we come back as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals aren't lesser beings, they're just like us. So I say fuck the Buddhists.

So, if animals were just like us, they'd have rights, including the right to vote. I wonder what slogans we'd hear....

• If chickens could vote: No chickens in anybody's pot!
• If dogs could vote: No leash laws! Follow the leader! Balls to chase!
• If cats could vote: Vote? I am the monarch!
• If flies could vote: Shit!
  

Or maybe I should check the bill of rights:

• freedom of religion (I'm trying to imagine the religion of caterpillars)
  
• freedom of speech (tweet-tweet, buzz-buzz, etc.)
  
• freedom of the press (bulletin: man bites dog!)
  
• the right to petition for redress (if you don't like the turkey's dressing)
  
• freedom of assembly (herding cats)
  
• the right to keep and bear arms (do bears really need automatic weapons?)
  
• no quartering of soldiers in private dwellings in peacetime (not in the chicken coop, not in the doghouse, and not in the cat house)
  
• no unreasonable search and seizure (but you can check me for ticks)
  
• grand-jury indictment for serious offenses, protection against double jeopardy in criminal cases, and prohibition against compelling testimony by a person against himself (the cat indicted by a grand-jury for killing a songbird. I'm guessing any feline testimony would be pretty limited.)
  
• the rights of the accused to a speedy trial and an impartial jury and the right to legal counsel and to the obtaining of witnesses in his favor (the testimony of avian witnesses is for the birds)
  
• the right to trial by jury in serious civil suits and prohibition against double jeopardy in civil cases (no double jeopardy, even for single leopards)
  
• prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment (what's cruelty to nature red in tooth and claw?)